The Secret Business of Manic Mothers

Hello, my name is Tina Shaw and I am a ‘manic mother’!  

• I am always late for Preschool drop off, because I just can’t get mine or Z’s acts together in the morning.  

• My household frequently runs out of bread, milk and apples.  

• I am guilty of putting pre-packaged foods into my son’s lunch box.

• I only bother to brush my hair when I have a work appointment or media engagement (the rest of the time I drag it up with a clip).   

• I have never had my car serviced and live in fear that it will blow up on the highway.

• I have so many pieces of 4 year old drawn artwork stuck on our fridge door, that it is in danger of not opening because of the excess weight.

• I secretly buy many of my son’s toys for myself and have been caught on a number of occasions manoeuvring the Darth Vader Transformer robot in my office… when I was meant to be working.

• I am bitterly disappointed that my child is past his Wiggles phase and miss them dearly... and their green dinosaur too.

• I like my child and really enjoy his company and think he is just the funniest kid on the planet.  

• I am incredibly childish and laugh when I hear words like bum and pooh.

• I am a worrier and hope against hope that I am giving my son the best childhood possible.

• I am a paranoid parent.

• I wish you could get liposuction in a pill (Jetson’s like).

• I hated being pregnant and feel that there is something to be said for the Stork.

• I quite like men, but am positive that I don’t want to be married to one of them.

• All of the men that I fancy live inside the television.

• I rush around crazily everyday, but know that I would get more done, more efficiently if I calmed down and took things slower.

• I panic about my credit card bill rivalling the National debt.

• I continue to make purchases with my credit card.

• I have a list of things I will buy when I win the Lottery.

• I constantly come up with crazy ideas and wonder why nobody takes me seriously when I announce yet again that I am going off to become a missionary in Africa.

• I am lazy and when I am rich will hire a cook.

• I hate cooking.

• Sometimes we have vegemite toast for dinner.

• If I wasn’t a parent, I would eat McDonalds everyday.

• I don’t like saying no and often end up roped into impossible things because if it.

• Sometimes I am so tired that I allow my son to draw shapes and pictures on my arms and then forget to wash them off.

• I love being a mother and can’t believe how lucky I am.

Whew!  It’s good to get all that off my chest.  I think that there should be a secret society of manic mothers, where we all get a turn to offload our manicness on each other.  I’m not a perfect mother, but I give it a good try and hey… that’s all you can hope for.